Are you an egoist?

by | Feb 26, 2018 | Career Change and Transition, Personal Development

You know, I have heard this many times, that people who prioritize their own interests and passions are egoistic. But is it really the truth? What if I told you the opposite?

Imagine, once upon a time, there was a woman and a man. They both had fairly good jobs and everyone told them how lucky they were to even be employed. They loved each other and expected from each other to spend quality time together and to help at home equally. They had two lovely kids who they cared for dearly as it is of course expected from parents. They had family members and relatives waiting for their call, drop by often and help them even if they did not offer the same support themselves.

They both did not complain about their work situation. Surely, it could be much better, if they just dared to do something about it. But since they both had a lot of commitments, a house loan, and expectations to meet from their environment, they played small. They accepted their average life for the sake of security and peace at home and some peace of mind. They also needed time for their kids and for that they were actually happy about their non-demanding jobs. “We can fulfill our career dreams later”, they tended to say. “We will have time for our dream hobbies after we retire. We will travel more when we are older.” They were sure they would enjoy life to the fullest once they…..got there.

Don’t postpone your life fulfillment!

But guess what will happen to them. They will bury their aspirations for the sake of security and family life. But they come home frustrated. Every day. They lack something, which they can’t identify. They feel they could do more, but don’t know where and how. They direct their frustration towards the people who deserve it the least – their loved ones.

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They feel mentally tired. They don’t love their jobs truly so they don’t go that extra mile. And then, suddenly, one of their new colleagues gets the promotion they have been waiting for so long. The promotion they expected to get since they’d been in the company so much longer. They feel mistreated. Then they come home and, due to their frustration, poison the environment there too.

I guess that to some extent many of you can relate to this. Am I right?

Things could be different

But now let’s have a look at another couple. They love their jobs and are very picky when planning their career. They know exactly what they love doing and take only the opportunities which they feel truly suit them.

They love traveling and they actually do it now, because tomorrow it might be too late. They travel to see the world and if they don’t feel like seeing their relatives, they don’t care about what society dictates but rather spend the weekend with people who will cheer them up. They don’t visit for the sake of an obligatory visit.

They go the extra miles at work and that’s why everyone loves them. Because when they love what they do, they are infectious and people love to work with them. So, they are also easier promoted. Constantly new opportunities open up to them. They radiate with self-confidence because they know what they want.

They are fully aware of their dreams and go for them. They have a good state of their minds and have high energy levels. If they sometimes get frustrated, it does not stay for long, because they have so many positive things happening.

They are happy. And they attract happy people. And others envy them. Some might find them egoistic but secretly hope to be the same way.

Don’t envy, do the same!

But here is the good news. You don’t need to envy people like the second couple. Everyone can live like this. We are just not brave enough to stand up for ourselves. Being fully aware what I want and what I need to be fulfilled and perform at maximum, is not egoism at all. It’s being conscious about my influence to others and trying to do my best and be a good role model for others. Because by doing that, we can step by step change many things around us. Being a purpose-driven and a conscious individual is not egoism. Egoistic is actually the one who expects you to minimize and compromise your life to “fit their lives” and their expectations and their fears. Those who expect you to play small are the most egoistic. Think about this for a while…

And now think, who of those two couples introduced earlier will help others more, if needed? Who will have the better effect on the peoples around them? The frustrated couple who buried their goals under someone else’s expectations or the couple who is going for what they want and don’t get influenced by what others expect or think?

Do it like they tell you on the plane!

You all know the drill on the airplane. They tell you that in case of air pressure drop you should put on your own oxygen mask first. Only then you can help others. They advise you to HELP yourself first.

They don’t tell you “Don’t be egoistic and help others first!” 🙂

And that makes perfect sense because if you cannot cope yourself, you cannot help others. That’s what is needed in all other parts of our life as well, not only in an airplane.

Take care first of what YOU need. What gives you oxygen and energy? And put your needs first, then help others.

Become a positive role model

Imagine what role models we are for our kids, too. If we play down our wishes, compromise all the time, feel frustrated, feel like we live the lives of others and don’t do anything about it, how will your kids be in the future?

And do you actually know, what you would be doing if you were born again tomorrow and you had no kids and no spouse and no job? What would you truly love doing, with whom and where?

So, let’s start to design your lives from scratch by coming to one of my workshops or taking our free online course. Help yourself first!

The plane is taking off! Fasten your seatbelts now .-)

And see you in the air…

With passionate regards ,-)
P.S. If you like this post, feel free to share it with your friends! You find the sharing buttons on the left side of the screen. And you will find more exciting posts like this also on our blog.

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Lubica Kangas

The Author

Lubica Kangas is a trusted Executive Search Partner for senior-level recruitments across different locations worldwide. Her long-term clients are global public listed companies, as well as smaller and growth organizations with international business.

As she is a great example of “loving what you do”, she also teaches and coaches individuals in their career transitions for doing more of what they love and have more fulfillment in their lives, mostly through her workshops and online programs.

On a personal note, Lubica is a multi-passionate entrepreneur and never-ending optimist with love for good food, travels, Latin rhythm, and nature.

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